


Only If For A Night

by aionimica



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sex, Smut, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, heart eyes at cullen, inquisitor is all alone but look who is still around, takes place pre-trespasser
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 07:56:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12813066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aionimica/pseuds/aionimica
Summary: No one saw an elf walk down from her tower, down through the rotunda without even looking up, across the ramparts to a certain officers door. There was no one to see the Lion of Ferelden open his door and take her in. There were no soldiers to speculate, no gossip to be spread.In the years between DAI and Trespasser, Eliara Lavellan and Cullen find something in each other.





	Only If For A Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tatertatra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatertatra/gifts).



It was considered an advantage to them both that Skyhold was not what it once was. Compared to the years of Corypheus when hundreds and hundreds of soldiers went through the gates on any given week, the stronghold was practically empty as the might of the Inquisition dwindled to its essence.

So no one saw an elf walk down from her tower, down through the rotunda without even looking up, across the ramparts to a certain officers door. There was no one to see the Lion of Ferelden open his door and take her in. There were no soldiers to speculate, no gossip to be spread.

But in that small tower his hands were in her hair and his mouth was on hers and she took and tasted and held onto him as if he was her only lifeline left in this world.

~

_The Inquisition lived on though its heart slowly faded. With the threat of Corypheus gone and the might of his Venatori fading away, it was time for soldiers to pack up and go home. The war was won, what they had accomplished was beyond memory. But some were tired and their bones called for rest. And for others, well, others were called to other purposes._

_Leliana, Cassandra, and Vivienne were called first. It was no surprise when it came down to it; the election of the Divine required their presence and while Eliara was able to keep her friends at her side for the might of the assault, once Corypheus was dealt with, the Chantry had enough of pleasantries._

_The gilt carriage barely made it up the mountains to Skyhold’s gates, but Eliara had to give it to the horsemasters for managing to keep the horses steady and calm as they prepared for the way back. Vivienne kissed her on the cheek with lips as cold as ice, but a smile that was softer than it once was. Leliana and Cassandra favored hugs and the emptiness that the three women left behind was greater than she expected._

_Blackwall left after that, Sera not too far behind. Iron Bull stayed on as long as he could, but when word reached the Inquisition of Tal Vashoth scouting in the caves between Orlais and Ferelden, he was the first to sign up; he and the chargers left the first morning after._

_Cole came and went as he pleased, but he didn’t stay in one place for long; he drifted with the pull of the seasons and the tavern attic was more often inhabited by spiders than by him._

_And soon it was just Eliara and Dorian and Josie and Cullen and their moments were filled with late night laughs and spats and drinks around the fire as they held onto what shred of normalcy they had left. But even that inevitability didn’t remain for long._

_Dorian was the last to go and he kissed Eliara’s brow gently. “Even though I know it’s impossible, please manage to keep yourself together while I’m gone.”_

_She grinned, though the action failed to settle the growing chasm in her chest. “I’ll find a way to manage.”_

_“I would expect nothing less. Mourn me, build a statue of my honor even.”_

_Eliara chuckled. “Well carve it out of the mountains, just for you.”_

_“I’m touched.” Dorian nearly stepped away, but he patted her shoulder a final time. “You better be in one piece when I get back.”_

_Eliara winked. “You know me, I can’t make any promises.”_

_“I mean it, Eliara,” he said gently. “Take care of yourself. Please.”_

_The light slowly drained from her eyes as she looked away, failing to mimic Dorian’s candor. If he noticed, the Tevinter mage thankfully didn’t bring it up. Instead he took a step to the side and narrowed his eyes._

_“And you,” he said, glancing past her, “you need to prepare yourself because the next time I see you, you’ll lose so magnificently, you won’t even realize you’re walking home showing your ass to the world.”_

_Cullen chuckled as he leaned against the courtyard wall. “You already owe me fifty drinks, the least you could do is take some off my tab.”_

_Dorian scoffed as he mounted his horse and shook his head. “What’s the fun in that?”_

_“I’m gonna collect one of these days, Dorian,” Cullen commented as he mounted his horse._

_“Then you should come to Tevinter,” Dorian said and winked. “That’s where all my gold is. Among other things.”_

_“Go on, then,” Cullen said with a laugh. “I can wait.”_

_“The offer is still on table!” Dorian called out. And then he was gone._

_Eliara swallowed down the aching void that settled in her chest. Everyone was gone. Everything she built, everything she worked for, slowly faded into the past and now she stood at the brink of a future she didn’t know where she fit in. Everything that held her to the Inquisition had passed on, but now she remained. She, the lonely Inquisitor, and a few faithful companions who in reality had nothing more to do that to wait at her side._

_She found herself standing on the ramparts watching Dorian’s trail until he disappeared in the distance. Night fell fast this time of year and before she knew it, her hands were shaking and the tips of her ears burned with cold._

_“Inquisitor.”_

_She turned quickly to find Cullen standing just far enough away. “Sorry,” she said and wiped her nose on her sleeve. Such dignified behavior for the Inquisitor, but Cullen only didn’t say a word. “It's just been a day.”_

_“No need to apologize,” he said quickly. “I knew it was cold and you’ve been out here for hours and, forgive me, Inquisitor--”_

_It was then she noticed that he had his cape and furs off and stood there in only in a doublet. His blond hair was uncharacteristically tousled and the turn of his smile was more boyish than she remembered. His hands were warm as he handed her his cloak, their fingers brushed together. He looked away as a redness crept against his neck, but Eliara smiled. It was probably just the chill._

_“Thank you, Cullen,” she said instead._

~

“Why are you really here?” he asked her on the night Eliara knocked on his door and all the fires in Skyhold had faded to embers.

The knock on Cullen’s door came sharp and fast. He wasn’t asleep - not even close; even after all this time, his desk was an endless pile of requisitions and reports - but he stumbled down the stairs and across the way, blinking away the fatigued from his eyes. And if he was being honest, he didn’t quite believe what he saw.

She stood in his doorway in nothing but a nightshirt and leather pants that hung tightly to her frame. Barefoot as always, but Cullen’s attention was very much not focused on the way the fabric of her shirt shift against her skin, the way her frame was shaped, her breasts beneath it all. The wind pulled at her hair, curling it around her face.

“I’m tired of this,” she said, soft yet determined. “I’m tired of waiting while the rest of life passes by. Everyone else has gone, but I’m left here and --”

She looked at him then, and her brown eyes were luminous in the torchlight. “I don’t want to be alone tonight,” she said quietly, her hands curled into fists at her side as she shut the door behind her. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“Eliara--- I---” He glanced away, the tips of his ears matching the heat in his cheeks before taking a deep breath and meeting her gaze. “This is highly irregular.”

“Cullen, what about our lives has ever been regular?”

He had nothing to say to that.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said instead. “I don’t… I don’t want us --” he nearly choked out the word -- “to do something we would regret.”

The something hung between them unspoken, but defined in Cullen’s blush and the odd helpless gesture he made between the two of them. Eliara never looked away.

“I came here, I’m the one asking for this, Cullen, not to mention my life is a regret.”

“That is--”

“Don’t tell me what my life is,” she said more harshly than he’d ever heard before. “I am the last of my clan, my friends are gone, I had everything I had and gave everything left over for this damn Inquisition. I can say I don’t like my life, I have nothing left.”

“What about Solas?” he asked softly.

The distant look returned in her eyes. “What about him? He’s gone. He left, he--” She took a shuddering breath as she spat out the words. “He didn’t want me. He left me behind and I don’t care if he comes back tomorrow. I don’t care if I have to explain it all.”

She leaned up on her toes and gripped the ends of his furs, pulling his shoulders down to her. Gently her lips pressed against his, his mouth warm and soft against the chill of the night.

“Please,” she whispered against him through the kiss, “I’m not going to regret this.”

~

_It was early one morning and frost still crested the window panes as Cullen walked through the Great Hall. He was heading towards the War Room as she was heading to the kitchens and while he was not as deep in requisitions as he once was, this particular pamphlet had more of his attention than most._

_“Inquisitor,” he said curtly as she passed him in the Great Hall._

_Eliara stopped and stared. “Hold, Commander.”_

_It was like telling a Mabari to stay._

_“Cullen, how many times have I told you to use my name?”_

_“Too many to count,” he admitted sheepishly._

_“Well, I’m waiting,” she said with a smirk._

_“Eliara.” The name came effortlessly, a breath of air from his lungs that carried the hope of her name on its wings._

~

“Maker,” he murmured, a finger under her jaw, his other hand tangled in her hair. To lose herself in him was all she wanted and between the work on his hands and his lips and his hips, he was acquiescing.

Eliara leaned into his hand and kissed it, before moving up his arm, her teeth nipping at his skin. “You’re talking too much,” she said against his skin, a hand reaching down his chest to his trousers, gripping his dick through the fabric and smiling as he gasped in her hand.

Up in his room they had no doors, only shuttered windows and the holes to the sky that Cullen had put off fixing for the past two years. Her permission was all he needed. His hands pulled her close, his lips pulling against her, his teeth skimming against hers as his hand pressed against the small of her back, pulling her to him. Warmth radiated from him, pouring into her as her trousers fell into a puddle at her feet, her hands free from the buckles.

His hands grasped and pulled against her clothes, the thin layer of her nightshirt doing nothing to stop him from palming and pressing against her tits. And the moan that escaped her lips when his lips came down over her nipple was sinful.

Eliara guided him as he pushed her back against the walls, hips pressed flush against hers as she grinded against him, his hands still against her breasts. Her hands gripped his shoulders, holding on as her shirt fell to the floor and his tongue licked across her skin. Her nipples were hard, his teeth nipping them freely before palming them with his hand and sucking against them. He ground his hips against hers, his length hard and firm against her hip as he pressed. His lips worked high and higher above the neck of her shirt, his tongue sucking against her collarbone.

A growl escaped from the back of her throat as he pulled away when she bit down, hard. There was lust in her eyes, a haziness that gripped her as she took his hands and cupped his jaw.

“I meant what I said, Cullen,” she said, her voice husky and slow. He was warm. His was wearing just a nightshirt and a loose pair of trousers. His hair was mussed and his beard was was shadowed stubble that brushed against her lips as she nipped his jaw. “I want this.”

She moaned, her breath hitching as his hands traveled lower and lower in answer. Fingers drew lazy circles on her thigh, gasping as he reached down and traced between legs. A lazy finger drew against her clit and pulled her up on her toes.

He was so much taller than her and he drew her up to his height, puller her against the wall with each stroke against her until she was shuddering and melting, her knees buckled and hardly carrying her weight. Moans that cast to the skies came from her throat and her eyes met his, begging for more.

Later she would realize what she was to Cullen; what she had been and what she could be. She had been his Inquisitor, his Herald, and more titles than she cared to imagine, but tonight she was just Eliara, an elf from the Free Marches, lost without a home, and she would find what she wanted in him, only if for tonight.

~

_It was just the two of them sitting in the dungeons, tossing rocks into the river below. She sometimes came here when she wanted to escape it all; when she wanted to forget the mantle of Inquisitor and try to remember what it was like to be a nobody walking alone on the Free Marches._

_But Eliara wasn’t alone today. Cullen was sitting next to her with a hand full of pebbles. He left his armor and his furs in the armory for once, not that there was much use for them anymore. Loyal soldiers stayed, but most went home and there wasn’t much use for a Commander; at least not for every hour of the day._

_And at this hour the sun some brightly against the water, casting their faces in sparkling light. His hair burned like molten gold while the spray and wind ruffled it about. For once he was uncaring and carefree and the scar on his lip was pinched in delight as he smiled._

_Eliara looked away before he noticed her staring, desperately ignoring the delightful unease in her stomach as he laughed and failing. She had always noticed before but never fully acknowledged it until now but gods. Cullen looked good._

_“Do you like me Cullen?” The question was out of her mouth before she could stop it and she didn’t dare look at him._

_“What?” He looked at her, suddenly caught off guard. “What in Thedas do you mean by that?”_

_“I just…” She stammered, lost for words. “I mean, you’re you and I’m me and… I was just—“_

_“Eliara, of course I like you. I wouldn’t have stayed if I didn’t. I wouldn’t have lasted_

_“But do you… like elves,” she said reluctantly._

_“Oh,” he said and the pale of his skin became a pleasant pink. Eliara groaned and clutched her face as Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat._

_“Oh. Well, yes,” he said at last. And then more gently, “Yes, I do. I like you, Eliara, I like you a lot. I meant what I said, Inquisitor or not, I wouldn’t have stayed this long if I didn’t like you and well. Maker, I’ve thought the world of you since you stumbled into Haven,” he said weakly._

_“I was dragged there,” she said. “I didn’t fall from the sky.”_

_“I know.” He chuckled softly. “But you can’t deny that you made an impression, elf or not. You are a strong woman, one I admire greatly and you’re beautiful, well, I mean you’ve been beautiful — I mean, are beautiful throughout everything you’ve gone through. Maker, this isn’t right.”_

_Eliara grinned. “You were always the first at the gates to welcome us back.”_

_“I always had to know,” he said at last. “I had to see you for myself. Even in those days you were a sight beyond compare.”_

_It was her turn to blush, the naked truth of his words unsettling and yet a balm to her aching soul. “You’re the best man I know,” she said softly at long last. “It’s…”_

_She nearly said it’s a pity, but she stopped herself. It was a pity that what? She loved and lost? That there was a man here who loved her and had stayed, but she still pined for another? It was a pity that they were different people and their hearts lay in different directions. Solas was Solas and the mere thought of him opened her up raw again. But even when she dreamed she could feel him, wandering out of reach. Eliara knew she would see him again, but just the prospect of that reunion filled her with hope and regret._

_“I wonder what would have happened if things were different,” she said instead. If she and Solas had never been together; if she had kissed Cullen instead of him; if she kissed Cullen now and never looked back._

_“We’d still be here,” he said. “Corypheus would be dead and you’d be Inquisitor and the world wouldn’t be that much different. I’d have met you and we would still end up here in the place. That much I’m sure of.”_

_Eliara smiled and leaned against him, her head against his shoulder, his scent and the sun filling her with warmth. “I think so too.”_

~

They were two bodies pressed together under the sheets, the stars through the roof above the only witness to their acts. His breath hummed against her as he exhaled on her skin and her breath came in short, sharp staccatos, gasps and moans interspaced with breaths.

“Cullen,” she managed as he caressed her thighs, his hands curling against the curve of her ass, her hands gripping the sheets beneath them.

He smiled as he kissed her down her throat to her chest, across her breasts and along her stomach. Hands prop up her ribs as she knots her fingers into the curls of his hair.  
“Oh Eliara,” he whispers against her belly button as his hands travel further down.

His fingers circled her clit, slowly at first and then picking up pace as she groans. She arched against him, a low moan escaping from her as the heat built in her body. HIs lips sucked and pulled against her nipple, teeth skimming across her tit.

She is slick and wet, sliding over him as he circles her and twists and presses with one finger, then two, then three. The strokes came slow at first and then faster and faster as he finds her spot and she moans with pleasure as fire sweeps up her spine.

Her hips moved against his hand, his fingers pressing and filling into her as she ached and pressed against him. She gasped, oh gods, it felt good, he felt good, but still she ached with an emptiness that wasn’t yet met.

“What do you want?” he murmured as she coiled beneath him.

Words were beyond her, thoughts merely a distraction as he continued his ministrations, but somehow she managed to take his wrists and pull his hips against hers, conveying what she wanted with a single motion.

He entered without another word, filling her fully until she thought she would burst and a gasp escaped her again. Her moan came long and drawn out as he shuddered. Her hands dragged her nails down his back. She was empty and she wanted more; the was left alone and she had him and she wouldn’t be empty or alone again.

With each motion, each thrust against her, Eliara lost herself in a white haze. They were at odd rhythms, but it didn’t matter; they were desperate, desperate pieces locked together, who wanted nothing more than the other. His elbows were at her shoulders, his hands curled in her hair, pulling her back as he panted against her neck. Eliara’s own hands were lost in his back and shoulders and she pulled him against her, deeper with each pull and push of their hips. Her hands dug into the curve of his ass, filling herself with with him until she could burst; losing herself in every sense.

He tasted like oak tea and leather, he smelled of hay and oiled metal and the musk of a man long lived in armor, he sounded like a knight shouting over a battlefield, but now he was whispering sweet nothings to her. He was all she had and Eliara took him into her until there was nothing left.

When he gasped and shuddered, spilling himself inside her, she held onto him, unwilling to let him go. Her legs locked around him, her hands cradling the back of his head, fingers curling in his hair as he recovered.

But when Cullen pulled away, he pressed his lips to hers and with a growl, he whispered, “We’re not finished yet.”

His fingers slide down to her clit as he hovers over her and she gasps beneath him. The pleasure arcs through her as she moves against his hands, her fingers digging red lines into his back. She had been hovering at the edge and the work of his hands and the feeling, the touch, the everything of him sets her whole body aflame. She can’t see anything, she can’t see the stars or the roof of the walls of Skyhold -- she can only see him: the man who stayed with her despite it all. And even that fades and shutters as she shudders and cries out with relief.

And then in that moment there was just the two of them, panting and breathing and Eliara dug her fingers into his hair and held his head close.

~

_“Did you love him?”_

_He found her in the rotunda, more often than not, staring at the frescos for hours, as if searching for answers that never came to questions that had no end. He didn’t need to clarify who ‘he’ was: Solas’ work was in every inch of this place and across every inch of her. Even if he wanted to forget the elf apostate, he never could fully forget._

_She blinked and slowly looked to him, a sad smile resting in the corner of her mouth. “Yes.” Eliara looked back to the walls and her shoulders fell just so. “I still do, in a way.”_

_He reached out a hand to help her stand, but she came up faster than he expected and bumped into his chest. Cullen stumbled back, his balance lost as her arms reached out to keep from falling further. A hand grabbed tight to the front of his shirt while his own arms wrapped around pushing the two of them back into the empty desk that was left behind._

_“Sorry!” she said quickly as she struggled to regain her balance, pushing off of him and looking up at him with blush on her cheeks._

_He let go, an equal heat rising up his neck. But here, he was so close to her, her hips against him, her warmth seeping into him. She looked at him as if he were the only person left on earth and she held onto him like a lifeline. They were close -- had always been close -- but never this close, now with nothing between them._

_“Cullen” Eliara said softly. Her hand let go of his shirt, but it stayed on his chest, her fingers drawing circles. She bit her bottom lip and her eyes darted away._

_“I know,” he replied, his eyes never leaving her lips. He let her go. She would never belong to him -- her heart was given to another and yet --_

_He kissed her cheek briskly before clearing his throat and walking away._

_She said nothing as he left the rotunda. Neither did he as the door slammed behind him._

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing smut so I hope it’s not atrocious! I hope you all enjoy <33333


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